My hair is living its own life – I’m just sort of along for the ride
And it’s always ready to school me in it’s latest life lessons.
Most of you know I started my professional life as a hairdresser, but really, my hair obsession started far earlier than that.
It started in 1973. I had always had bangs, thanks to my mother’s method of using TAPE (!) to create a “straight” line to cut my bangs. Except that I had some pretty wicked cowlicks in the front and the bangs were never straight.
I decided to let my bangs grow out, to which my mom replied with relief “yes, that is probably best.”
There I was, 7 years old and my hair was calling the shots
Flash forward a few years. 1979. I had my own money – hello babysitting – and paid for my own haircuts. I had a place that I actually liked but my mom had a coupon for a new place and talked me into going there instead.
Immediately the stylist said I should get the “Dorothy Hamill” haircut aka a wedge. I was not into it, I told her I was not into it, I even told her my father did not want me to have short hair (which was the truth).
She said okay.
Then turned me away from the mirror and proceeded to cut – you guessed it – a perfect wedge.
My school picture that year has me looking like I want to kill someone. And I did. That hairdresser.
Jump ahead another few years.
I’m in Beauty School to become a hairdresser.
That’s right – I’m now a hairdresser. In the 80’s.
Perms. Mousse. White Rain hairspray. The whole nine baby.
I had a solid decade of perm.
Then I wanted to color it too.
It was too much for my poor strands so I had to choose.
Color won out. It was the 90’s now. Perms were kind of passe. Warm reddish brown was the new me.
Enter the phase of trying to just figure it out
After all, two young kids, an active lifestyle, and limited time and funds were the order of the day.
My life has continued to evolve and so has my hair.
I still love style products. I wear it relatively short in spite of what my dad thinks. And believe it or not, I actually like my hair (most of the time).
It all works because I realized my hair is WISE! It was doing more than just sitting on my head, causing me grief. My hair was teaching me some life lessons and I just needed to sit up and take notice.
Lesson 1: Don’t fight it!
Back in the 70’s when the whole bangs situation was rearing up (literally!) my hair was clearly saying “Hey, this is who I am. You can try to do something that doesn’t work but I will assert myself!”
There are parts of you that you quite possibly ignore, thinking they are a little too wild, a little too out there. The more you try to force yourself into a straight line, the more those parts will have to assert themselves.
If you just let it go and let it be what it is going to be, it will likely settle in after a bit and be just fine. You just have to get over the awkward grow-out phase.
We are all growing and changing. Sometimes trying out something new seems weird or out of your wheelhouse initially until you figure out the nuances that suit you.
Lesson 2: Trust your gut
That Dorothy Hamill haircut was the worst! So. Not. Me.
And I had paid for it!
I had someone that was right for me, that knew and understood my hair. But with just a little pressure – and a desire to please my mom – I ignored my gut, went to someone I didn’t want to go to even though it was my own money and paid not just with my money but my dignity as well.
I have had this lesson taught to me repeatedly. I think I was about 38 before it sunk in.
Do what works for you, not for someone else. They don’t have to live with the consequences and you do.
When I first started on my yoga journey I hated it! Eventually, though I figured out what yoga meant to me, focused on that, and then fell in love with it!
Lesson 3: Be who you really are
I loved my crazy 80’s perm. For awhile. My hair, however, eventually objected. “One more perm and I will frizz you!!”
While I liked the kinky curl that defined the era, that wasn’t my hair’s true nature. My real hair was a bit wavy in places, straight here and there, soft and even glossy.
I didn’t need all that frenetic energy. It was not me. Not for my hair and not for my personality. I am not one of those party and stay out late kind of people. I am asleep by 10p (okay really 9:30p…).
Trying to be something I am not just left me frizzy around the edges! While I loved aspects of it for other people, I needed to focus on what worked best for me.
Lesson 4: But also be whom you aspire to be
After giving up the perm I did give in to some color.
Nothing way off base. Just a little more warmth to liven things up a bit.
Still me, just a little bit fancied up.
We all aspire to be a certain way – a little nicer/kinder, more open and friendly, or whatever.
“Acting as if” isn’t about being a fake, it’s more about taking what you’ve got and just pushing to the next level, to be the person you want to be.
Lesson 5: A little control is good; too much just makes you brittle
Hairspray is kinda my first and longest love. Back in the day, it was all about shellacking the hell out of your hair.
It could not move.
It also flaked, made your hair dry and dull and definitely uninviting.
These days I still like some control – hello Kenra 25
But it’s soft, doesn’t build up, and lets my hair still feel like hair.
Life is the same way. Too much control and things may appear to be “perfect” but really your life is stiff and brittle, not organic and flexible.
You want freedom within your framework. Structure yes, but not rigidity. The ability to go with the flow is a lot healthier for you in the end.
Ahhh…now my attraction to yoga makes sense! The very heart of yoga allows you to find structure, learning to accept yourself as you are now and as you wish to be. Life lessons GALORE!
Life lessons are all around you
Yes, even in something as seemingly inconsequential as your hair (shh – don’t let my hair know I said that!)
You just have to look at things from a little bit of a different perspective. Find that space for yourself, that grace for yourself, and carve out the time to act on it.
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